Day 3- Choices

Life is a series of choices and how we choose to deal with life is a choice. I have found that my relationship with food runs pretty deep. For most of my life I have used food as a way to deal/cope with my feelings. Rather than identify what I am feeling, why I am feeling it, I turn to food and stuff the anxiety behind whatever I'm feeling.

I have not been doing well the past 2 weeks with food and I feel as though I am on a slippery slope. I have eaten junk, chocolate, candy, and more chocolate. Why has my intake increased? Anxiety and stress. I feel like I need to list out what is bothering me to get it out there so I can acknowledge whats wrong and make better choices.

I do NOT want to go back to the old me. The old me ate her way through life, choice by choice I put food into my mouth without reservation. I never asked how does this affect my body? How is this going to help me? How is this going to make things better? It doesn't. I am not processing whatever it is that's causing me to eat in the first place.

As I sit here and type this blog post I can actually see the veins in my hands. I can see the tendons in my hands move as I type. 8 months ago I couldn't see these things. My hands were too filled with the choices I made and the food I put into my body. My waist line reflected bad choice after bad choice of sweets, high fat foods and junk.

I WILL NOT FAIL.

I WILL SUCCEED.

I AM GOOD ENOUGH.

I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

I CAN SAY NO TO FOOD.

IF I MAKE 1 BAD CHOICE IT DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE TO MAKE 2.

Everyday, every minute I can start over. I can make better choices. I have spent the last two weeks in relapse to the old self. If I don't check my mental health and make myself aware of these feelings, choices I will regress. I want to progress, change and grow.

I have transformed into a beautiful butter fly and I refuse to clip my own wings, I WILL fly.