What’s wonderful about life is every
day is an opportunity for a new beginning. I have been transforming myself every
day for more than 28 years. Each day has been filled with lessons, experiences
and lemons! Today is my new beginning.
In October of 2011 I decided I was
going to have gastric bypass surgery. In the summer of 2011 I stepped on the
scales and was less than 5lbs away from 300lbs. Only being 5'1, 300lbs is a lot
of baggage to carry around with you.
(I
have since lost 25 more lbs. since this was taken)
The best way I can describe my
journey is to relate it to the children’s book by Eric Carle "The Very
Hungry Caterpillar". This children’s book, reminds me very much of my old
self, which to this day still tries to peek out every now and again.
“On Saturday, he ate through one
piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss
cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one
sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon. That night he had a stomach
ache.”
I, like the very hungry caterpillar
ate my emotions and I ate and ate and ate until I literally was sick. It was
easier to stuff my emotions with food, than deal with and/or identify why I
wanted to eat in the first place. But I have spent the last 8 months in a
cocoon transforming into a beautiful butterfly that for the first time has
wings and can fly.
This surgery forced me to look at my
relationship with food in a totally new light. After surgery you have to eat to
survive rather than eat for enjoyment. It has been a far cry from an easy road,
but I am walking it. It’s not perfect, but it’s my journey. With my wings I CAN
fly and I WILL fly, I just need not clip my own wings.
Every day I make choices and those
choices today impact tomorrow. If I make a wrong choice I can change that
choice and try again. I need to own my feelings, own my choices and own my
destiny. To date I have lost over 150lbs. I look in the mirror and don’t even
recognize the person staring back at me. But this change is a gift and a new
beginning.
This new body, new chance at life
needs to be embraced. I can do things that I could have NEVER done at 300lbs. I
am going to stop talking about living and actually live. I am going to stop
saying "I would love to try that someday". I want someday to be
today.
Below is a listing of everything
that I want to do. My bucket list if you will, I am going to make it my goal to
little by little, day by day accomplish the goals on my list:
- Go hiking
- Go rock climbing
- Take a weekend trip alone
- Go to the movies alone
- Plan a vacation for under $300.00 and go on it!
- Pay down my debt
- Make better choices for my health
- Make better choices in men and relationships
- Have more gratitude for what I have
- Watch the sunrise
- Watch the sunset
- Go ice skating
- Go to the Museum of Science
- Go to the Aquarium
- See a play on Broadway
- Smile more
- Cry less
- Drink more water
- Participate in a 5K (Even if it is just walking)
- Eat less sweets
- Look in the mirror and tell myself I am worth it and I
deserve to be happy
- Believe in myself
- Get my college degree
- Volunteer
- Talk to more strangers
- Give more compliments
- Meditate
- Cook more
- Blog more
- Believe in myself
- Smile
- Breathe
- Cut myself a break
- Let Go
- Be more active
I think this list will continue to
grow, but it is a good place to start. I want to end this post with a quote
that has been a motivational post for me and a quote I constantly go back to
for support.
Winnie the Pooh: "you are
braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you
think."
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